THE ART OF DELIGHT

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“Did you mean for your story to sound so negative?”

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Negative? NO!

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Prior to publishing a blog post, I submitted it to my editor for review. The story was about a house fire that my mom and I experienced when I was thirteen years old. We lost our home in that fire, and she had been burned on her legs, arms, and around the crown of her face. The article was meant to reveal beautiful awarenesses and deep insights on the other side of tragedy. However, my editor had reviews with insights that I couldn't glean on my own.

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She asked me to re-read my article and find all the Negatives used (examples: don’t, can’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t, won’t, etc.). My paper was littered with these words. When I went through and changed the language, the entire way I told my story changed, too; and with it, my perspective. The story became what it was meant to be all along: Inspiring, informative, deep, relatable, kind, hearty, and healing.

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WRITING FOR HEALING

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We tell, and therefore, write our stories through the only lens we know. We have one perspective until we know better, are able share with clarity, and feel into the truth of our lived experiences. The act of writing – specifically – allows us to become the witness to our story, not just to be the storyteller. Seeing our words on a page, we can hear how we are telling our stories. With intention, we can then reflect on our language. Truth can be realized from sharing our stories out loud and noticing the impact our words have on those around us.

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DOES THE STORY INTENTIONALLY RESONATE?

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The first time we share our stories in a public setting, probably not. We may feel healed (or think/believe we are healed) from our journey, but how are we actually talking about our experiences?

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THE IMPACT IS RECOGNIZED IN THE REWRITE

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Anne Lamott speaks to this in her article, “Shitty First Drafts.”  I believe we need to allow our stories to be messy first so we can get it all out of our heads. Joan Didion says, “I write to know what I think.”  We can then recognize the tones and inflections in our voice, but do our readers read those words with our same tone and inflection? Nope! They read them with theirs.

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After writing and allowing a mess to unfold on our pages, upon second, third, fourth, and even fifth drafts, we are able to reflect on our words and language. This is re-writing with intention. It’s as though we need to give our lizard brain a place to land fully and feel heard completely in order to heal through our writing. We can allow our words to be messy, naughty, raunchy, loud, mean, angry, sad, grief-ridden, and cruel when placing the words on a page for our eyes only. ​

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THEN WE CAN WRITE WITH INTENTION

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Every time we tell our stories one of two things happens: Either we anchor more to them, justifying our reactions while we were living through the experience; or we heal through them with insight by noticing how our words look, sound, and feel on the page. We are literally able to shift our perspective and heal from the stories we have anchored to when we rewrite our stories in a second draft. As Elizabeth Gilbert says, “Write from the wounds; publish from the scars.”

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WHY I’M A WRITING COACH

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It all started with a great gift that my mom gave to me. She was a masterful storyteller, and an artsy writer. Her lifetime goal was to retire from her career as an IT Admin in the Silicone Valley and write her books. She talked about this throughout my life. Then one day she did it – she finally retired! Three weeks following her retirement, she received a diagnosis: Stage IV Lung Cancer. During our last deep conversation together she said to me, “I’m going to die with my stories inside of me.”  Three weeks after her diagnosis, she passed away. Six weeks into her lifelong goal, and she was no longer able to do the thing she spent her entire life working toward.

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HER DEATH WAS THE GREATEST GIFT SHE EVER GAVE ME

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She gave me the gift of Living through her death. She revealed to me magnificent insights into this “one wild and precious life,” to quote Mary Oliver. The gift she gave me was this:

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STOP WAITING. DO THE THING.

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We hear these words all the time, but we seem to live in a mindset that tells us, I’ve got time. Or, even worse, I don’t have time. Which is where my mom was living from. She chose to use her time fulfilling the wishes of a wonky society – working a job, paying taxes, investing, taking those two-week annual vacations, furloughs. Would she choose to spend her time doing those same things if she could have a do-over?

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We’ll never know the answer to that question, but I definitely learned her message.

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My first book, Brinley Discovers Santa, was published in March 2015 – the year preceding her death. She had multiple copies on her bookshelf. Some signed by me, others she had purchased online for herself. Her review still sits in the Amazon link - indicating her pride in the work I was doing. The same sort of delightful projects she yearned to do.

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HER DEATH CHANGED MY LIFE​

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When she died, I went down a deep and dark grief cycle. I was mad at everyone – especially if their mothers were still living. I lived under the belief: No one can possibly understand my pain. I was angry at my mom for *abandoning* me. I was mad at my husband (now ex) for not being able to hold my grief (totally not his fault). I wasn’t necessarily suicidal, but I no longer wanted to be here – in this realm.

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AND NOW… THE BREADCRUMBS

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There were moments when I knew she was with me: Being jolted awake from a deep sleep by the feeling of someone pushing me hard on my back only to open my eyes to a beautifully displayed, brightly lit, orange sunrise; during a commute, witnessing a rainbow appear more brilliantly than any I’d seen before. No matter which direction the car turned, the rainbow was present outside my driver side window; The dimes – all of the dimes! (She leaves me dimes to show me I’m in the right place. She leaves them for friends, too!)

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I heard a voice one morning during a grief moment. It repeated, over and over again, the name of a long-lost friend. Someone I hadn’t spoken to in over a decade; the person who healed an illness I once had through Reiki. I chose to reach out to this person on Facebook Messenger. I kept it simple, “Hey! Your name popped up for me today. How are you doing?”

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He responded immediately, “Hi Brooke! Great to hear from you. Things are great in my world. How are you?”

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In this question, I recognized a choice: I can play the game and say I’m great, kids are growing, life is good, work is busy but inspiring… yadda, yadda, yadda.

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OR

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I could tell the truth. Which is what I chose to do:

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“Actually, life’s pretty shitty right now.”  Vulnerability hit hard directly after clicking SEND.

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He messaged back, “Stop what you’re doing. Buy the book Steering by Starlight by Martha Beck. Text me after you begin reading it and doing the activities – even the ones that seem crazy. I promise, your life will change.”

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WHO AM I TO ARGUE WHERE I’VE BEEN GUIDED?

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I did what he said, and things in my life indeed began to shift toward authenticity, coincidence, insight, integrity, and dare I add - magic? I was randomly (or not so randomly, recognizing the ways of the universe) invited to a book club filled with powerful, supportive women. All together we went to The International Women’s Summit, where I was introduced to a handful of inspiring women – many of which are names you know well! I was introduced to a Life Coach. Not yet knowing what a life coach is, I found myself on retreat in Maui with this coach – who happened to be a Martha Beck trained coach (unbeknownst to me prior to my arrival on this retreat). I gleaned big insights while there, and healed some very large, gaping, internal wounds.

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I came home refreshed, recharged, and ready to change the world!

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LET THE WORK BEGIN!

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Then, I started writing my memoir. The first draft was, well, shitty. Head down, eyes closed, dripping tears, fingers pounding on keys, I wrote from my wounds. But I got all my painful memories on the page.

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When I re-read the first rendition of my memoir, I felt nothing but pain and victimhood. But I also realized that I was tired of feeling that way about my one wild and precious life! If this is it, then I want to love my life! I want to leave a legacy to my children knowing that every day is a gift, and I want to experience it as such!

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I set the manuscript aside and started it again, fresh from the start. This time writing all of those stories didn’t hurt so badly. This time I was able to see the breadcrumbs. This time I could tell the stories with lightness, insight, and dare I add joy!

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Using writing as a healing modality has helped shift the perspective of an entire life – MINE! Through writing, I learned to finally hear myself, my words and my language. I was able to be intensely aware of the stories I’m telling. I started allowing my body to guide me toward my personal truth. Through this work, I have become a completely different daughter from the one my mom knew.

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Don Jose Ruiz says, "Words are your paintbrush, and your life is the canvas." Even if you’re not a writer, becoming aware of the language you use, looking at your stories from alternative perspectives, and questioning your beliefs can help shift the perspective on your life to one with calm, intentional awareness. I'm not sure it's possible to do this type of our work alone (hell, I don't believe we're even meant to!) - we need someone trustworthy to witness the unraveling of our own stories. Doing this work is not only for you, but for your loved ones as well. Imagine the relationship I could have had with my mom had we told our stories from that place of DELIGHT!

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WHO I’VE BECOME

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Professionally, I am an ICF Level II; Master Certified Life Coach; Wayfinder Instructor for Martha Beck, Incorporated; author; Reiki I/II Practitioner; Ho’oponopono Practitioner; Writing Coach helping others write, share, and publish their written words; and a Soulful hand-holder. I have raised three wayfinding-style kids who are out exploring this world in their own unique, masterful, and insightful ways. I own a home and participate in community events. I build connections with people worldwide and feel my way through by staying connected with my Essential Self by listening to the wisdom of my body and using the energy to participate fully in this life. I lead a monthly writing group, Typeset: No Rules Just Writing; host weekly coffee chats; am a founding member of the Wayfinder Psychedelic Collective, and am a microdosing facilitator.

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Personally, I am part of the energy source who gets to play in the realm of this Human Experience. I write, rewrite, and publish my works to allow myself to heal the wounds that my life has granted me (yes, I do mean “granted”) so that I can share my experience with the wider world and so the wider world feels supported to share their experience with me. I engage with nature through hiking, skiing, walking barefoot, writing, and psychedelic use.

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